I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
