Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
