Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
