i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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