this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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