He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
