i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
