You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
