So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
