He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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