We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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