I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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