Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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