There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
