a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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