Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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