the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just had sex on a roof
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
