He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
