i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize