where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
