if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your cock deserves a montage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
