My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
