There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize