I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
