I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
