I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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