We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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