Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
