At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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