I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
