I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
