Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
