It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
