remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize