no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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