Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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