I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
