We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
