I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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