I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
only you would photoshop your dick
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
