I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
