My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
