i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i think i just lost a toe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
