So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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