I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
