I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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