Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
