did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
