If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
