So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
