The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize