M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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