my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize