Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
