I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
