Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
