so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
