Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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