But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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