he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
