Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize