omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
