Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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