The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just pee around me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
