Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
