lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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