The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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